SIMON PETER

The following is a one man, one act play. It covers some of the highlights of the life of Simon Peter, the apostle. In it, the actor will need to play to the audience in the present, as well as act before them as though he were in the past at a particular event. In some scenes he will be alternating relatively quickly between the two. In some cases he will gradually slide from one into the other.

He will also periodically have to play both persons in a dialogue.

[Peter is centre stage working on fishing nets.]

What kind of knot is that! It will never hold. That is how you lose the biggest and best of the fish. If a man doesn't take good care of his nets, he doesn't take good care of his life either.

[Peter now addresses the audience.]

Show me a fisherman's nets and I'll tell you his life.

[Demonstrating.]

This one belongs to a poor, elderly fisherman who has old and worn nets, but works hard. You can see it in how he cares for the net. There isn't a bad knot in it. Unfortunately, he hasn't learned some of the newer, better knots - a hard man to teach that one.

Now this one, it belongs to the son of a successful fisherman. It's new, the best made, but poorly cared for. If the father cared for his son as well as he cared for his nets, his son wouldn't have nets like that. His father wouldn't let him get away with it.

Fishing is in the blood, I guess. That's how it all started. I'd still be fishing today if it weren't for that day on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, ...and my brother Andrew.

Andrew was what I considered to be a religious fanatic. I was a lot more ...normal. I'd go to synagogue on the Sabbath, but once a week was enough for me. Now Andrew, he was looking around for the Messiah, and one day he came up to me and said, "This Jesus of Nazareth, he's the one!" I said, "Oh, sure, fine." I just kept on fishing.

Occasionally you can fish all night long and catch nothing. That's not very good for a fisherman. It's hard to go home to your wife and children and say, "Well, I worked all night and I've got nothing to show for it."

It was just such a day, and I was in a bad mood. We were on the shore cleaning our nets when I saw Jesus walking down along the beach with a huge crowd following him. - I recognized him from Andrew's description.

"This might make the day interesting," I thought. As he got near us he stopped, and then he said, "Simon, can I get into your boat?"

"It doesn't matter to me."

"Push out a little bit. These people want to hear me speak."

So we grabbed all our nets and put out into the water. As we did, the whole crowd sat down on the beach and Jesus started preaching. Myself, and all the men with me, we just continued mending our nets, and getting them ready for the next night's work.

Jesus started preaching. He spoke about the kingdom of God and said things like, "You have heard that it's wrong to murder, but I tell you that it's wrong even to hate your brother." The way that he spoke was quite unusual. He spoke with authority that the rabbis just didn't have. I'd been used to going to synagogue on Sabbath and hearing them preach. It goes in one ear and out the other. But this Jesus, when he spoke, he sounded like he really believed what he was saying. He acted as if what he was saying was important and that it was important for us to believe it. He was good. I could see why Andrew was following him. I found it very enjoyable.

When he finished his talk he said to me, "Simon, put out into deep water over there and let down your nets for a catch of fish."

I thought, "This man is crazy! I don't tell him how to preach, he don't tell me how to fish. I've been out all night long using the best methods there are, and I haven't caught anything, and here he is telling me to put out into deep water and let down my nets. We don't fish over there. That's the worst place in the lake to fish. Besides, we just finished cleaning these things."

But as I looked at him, ...I don't know, well, I decided to try it anyway. So we rowed out a bit and threw our nets overboard. We were about to dutifully haul them back in and all of a sudden this school of fish, thousands of them, poured into our net. We tried to pull it up and were afraid the net was going to break because there were so many fish in it! I turned to John (John and James were my partners in the business, they were the sons of Zebedee) and I called them and said, "Get your boat out here! There's fish everywhere!" So John and James jumped into their boat and hurried out to where we were. They grabbed the other end of our net and we were all throwing fish into our boat 'til it was ready to sink! Then we filled their boat! Both were completely full! We pulled the nets in and there were fish flopping everywhere. This was a month's worth of work caught in ten minutes! [Peter is overjoyed.]

Suddenly the mood changed. Astonishment came over everyone all at once. It grew perfectly quiet. We realized what had happened. It was unheard of to catch this many fish. I was the most astonished because I had been fishing for a long time and had never seen anything like it. I turned to the back of the boat where the Lord was standing and I looked at him. He had this big smile on his face as if he knew all along what was going to happen! He knew what he was doing. He knew there were fish there!

But I was aware of something completely different: I felt as if I was in the presence of someone holy, - really holy.

"I shouldn't be here.... I'm a sinful man.... [Addressing Jesus] Depart from me Lord. I am a sinful man."

Jesus looked back at me and he totally ignored what I said. He said, "Simon, from this day forward you're going to be catching men. Moreover, your name is Peter."

He changed my name, just like that! He called me Peter, that means "the rock," The Rock! I liked it!

Then he said, "Peter, come and follow me."

I thought about it while we rowed to shore.

I left my boat, left my nets, left the fish and for three years I followed him everywhere, every day. Everywhere he went, I went. I listened to him preach, saw him heal the sick, cure the lame, and give the blind back their sight. All of these things were happening regularly. Over and over and over again I saw it. Then he would take us apart and teach us and say this is what all this means.

It wasn't the case that everything went perfect. Most of those in positions of authority - the rabbis, the scribes, the priests - were very skeptical. Jesus' power and wisdom were a threat to their position before the people. Among the common people many of them liked his miracles but were too lazy to try to understand his teaching, especially when he taught in parables. Then, when we went back to his home, the people took offense at him and refused to believe just because he was the son of Joseph, the carpenter. Jesus didn't do many miracles there. The prophet is not without honor, except in his own country. Leaving there, we went to Tiberias, on the Sea of Galillee.

It was there, that we got some bad news. Jesus had a cousin named John who lived a very ascetic life. At that time John was better known than Jesus because of his fiery preaching on repentance from sin, and his ministry of baptism in the Jordan river. Even more than that, he was known for his strong public condemnation of Herod's incestuous marriage to Herodias. It ultimately led to John's execution.

Some of John's disciples came and told us how he had been beheaded because of a rash promise Herod had made while he was drunk. I don't think Jesus was surprised when we were told that John had been killed, but he was grieved and wanted to be alone. John had been like a brother to Jesus. They had a lot in common. Both of them were radicals. They also understood each other. Each had a calling that gave them unusual confidence in the face of opposition. They knew where they were headed, while the rest of us were just trying to even understand where we were.

Well, in order to get away from everyone, we got into a boat and headed along the shore. We were looking for a place apart where we could be alone to grieve and pray. We found one and went ashore, but a huge throng of people, many of them sick, blind and lame crushed in upon Jesus. ...He had compassion on them. It amazed me how he always had compassion for others, even when he was in great need of rest, or in this case, just needing to be alone. Anyway, one person after another came up to him, and he would speak to them, or pray with them, or just touch them, and they would be healed. Thousands! Literally. We estimated the crowd that day to be at least 5,000.

As the day wore on, everyone was getting hungry. Some of us finally decided we had to do something. Jesus needed rest. He needed food. He needed to be alone.

"Master, we came here to be alone. It is going to be dark soon. Send the crowd away. Have them go to the villages and get something to eat."

"Where?" He said. "No, we should provide for them. Give them something to eat."

Philip said, "That will cost us at least 200 denarii. There's at least 5,000 people here. Do you want us to go and buy that much food?"

"Go and see how many loaves you have."

In the whole crowd there was virtually nothing. Only my brother, Andrew, had found any. A young boy had five loaves of bread and a couple of fish, but what was that among so many?

"Get them all to sit down on the grass in companies of fifty." Jesus said. So we did.

Jesus took the loaves, raised his eyes toward heaven, and gave a very simple traditional Hebrew blessing. "Blessed are you, Lord our God, who brings forth bread from the earth." He broke each loaf in half, and said, "Distribute these." I thought, "This?" There were twelve of us. Ten of us had a half of a loaf of bread each, and two of us had a fish!

I went to the nearest group of fifty, and began to break off a small portion of bread as we would on the Sabbath. I gave it away to the first person. Then I looked at the bread to break off the next piece. "I thought I just broke off that piece...?" I tore off another piece, and as I did, it was immediately replaced by one just like it. I did it again, this time with a larger piece. Again it was instantly replaced. I looked over at Andrew. He was standing in the group next to mine. He had just done the same thing and now had an absolutely dumbfounded look on his face! John had a fish. The same thing was happening to him. He broke the fish in half, gave part away and still had a whole fish in his hand!

I looked at Jesus. Again he had that hearty, approving smile on his face. I think he enjoyed seeing us dumbfounded.

By now the people in the crowd were catching on. They stood up, and pressed in on us, not just for the food, but to see what was happening. I still couldn't believe my eyes. In my own hands a miracle was taking place. Not just once but literally hundreds of times. "Look!" People would say. "Did you see that?" ..."It grew back!" Over and over again it would happen, until all 5,000 were fed. In the end, everyone was more than satisfied, and there was food left over, 12 baskets full.

Well, Jesus sent us on ahead with the boat to Bethsaida. He dispersed the crowd and walked up into the hills, finally alone, to pray.

The Sea of Galillee is small, but it is also prone to sudden, intense storms due to the surrounding hills. From Tiberias to Bethsaida it is only eight miles by sea. Normally, we could cross it in a couple of hours. That night, as we crossed, a strong wind blew up against us and the boat was taking a beating from the waves.

We were struggling with the rowing, when I looked up and saw something unusual on the water. I was sure it wasn't a boat. It was shaped like a man whose cloak was being blown by the wind, but a man doesn't walk on water, right? I assumed it was a ghost, and shouted to the men. "Look!" ...Now everyone saw it and we were all terrified.

"Take heart!" Jesus called out, "It is I; have no fear."

As he drew near, I said, "Lord, if it is you, bid me, come to you on the water."

Now don't ask me why I said that. I don't know. It is one of those things which, when you are under pressure, is out of your mouth before you've had a chance to think about it.

"Come," He said. So I did!

Now many people have asked me, "What's it like to walk on water?" Well, I'm no expert. I only did it once and not with great success. At the beginning I didn't even question. Jesus was doing it, and I knew that I could, too. Having faith for supernatural things is like that. Inside you just know. It's not hoping or wishing or being optimistic. It is knowing. I knew I could walk on the water almost as certainly as I knew I could stand up in a boat. There was no doubt or hesitation.

I went to the edge of the boat and jumped out onto the water - not into it - onto it! I started to walk toward Jesus as easily as if I did it every day.

As long as I had kept my eyes on him, I was fine, but then I noticed a strong gust of wind blowing across the sea toward where we were. Until then I hadn't even been thinking about the fact that people don't walk on water, but the wind suddenly made me think, "I might sink!" It is funny how fear and unbelief so often go together.

I began to sink. Once that started my faith disappeared. It was as if I had never had it. I cried, "Lord! Save me!" And of course he did. He stretched out his hand and caught me. Then, looking at me, he said, "Oh man of little faith, why did you doubt?"

I have thought about that question many times since. Why did I doubt? Why do I doubt? It wasn't the first, nor was it the last time I experienced great faith followed by a grave doubt.

I remember at one point in time, we were on our way to Caesarea in Philippi. Now this was a small town, surrounded by even smaller villages, 100 people here, 60 people there. Still, he'd go around from village to village like a doctor curing the sick and then preaching what he called the Good News of the Kingdom of God. I was always amazed that he'd want to go to these small backwater towns and talk to the people there.

Well, we were on our way and he stopped us. He did this regularly. He sat down on a rock and looked at all of us and said, "Who do men say that I am?"

According to the Jewish scriptures Elijah was supposed to come back before the Messiah. So one of the men said, "Many people think that you're Elijah," but the disciples all knew better. "You're Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph and Mary!" Then one of the other men said, "Some people think you're John the Baptist resurrected from the dead. Many of the people are saying you're a prophet."

All the disciples were chuckling about this. They knew who he was, Jesus. I was sitting off to the side by myself, and while they were saying all of this, I was experiencing the presence of God and I heard a voice saying to me, not an audible voice, but one inside of me, saying, "This is no ordinary man. This is my beloved son in whom I am well- pleased. This is the Messiah. This is the one whom I am sending for the salvation of the world. This is the Christ, the son of the living God." That was what was going through my mind. It was startling, but I knew it was true.

While I was sitting there thinking and the others were going on about who Jesus might be, Jesus interrupted them. He looked over at me and said, "Peter, who do you say that I am?" It was as if he knew what was going on inside me, that he could read my mind. This wasn't the first time, and it was far from the last. It astonished me sometimes what he knew about me. I don't think I ever got used to it.

Anyway, he looked at me and said, "Peter, who do you say that I am?" I looked back at him and said, "You're the Christ, you're the son of the living God, you are the Messiah."

Everyone was suddenly very quiet. This was saying something. I was claiming that this man was no longer just Jesus of Nazareth. He was the Messiah. The One for whom all of Israel had been waiting. Even more, he was God's own son, who came into the world for the salvation of all humanity.

Jesus pointed at me, holding my eyes with His. His voice was authoritative. "Peter, flesh and blood did not reveal that to you, no, it was my Father who is in heaven."

How did he know that? I couldn't understand it.

Then he went on saying, "The Son of Man must go up to Jerusalem where he will suffer and go through many things at the hands of the scribes and pharisees and be put to death and after three days rise from the dead."

When I heard that I thought, "This rabbi doesn't know his theology. The Messiah is supposed to come into Jerusalem, overthrow the Romans, and establish the kingdom of Israel like David." So I went to Jesus and said, "May I speak to you?" I pulled him over to the side and I said, "Lord, you've got that wrong. That's not the way it's supposed to go. You're supposed to go into Jerusalem and overthrow the government and you're supposed to set yourself up as king over Israel." That's what it says in the scriptures. I was convinced that I was right. I had just gotten done hearing from God!

As I was saying this to him, he listened. Just when I thought I had him convinced, he said, "Stop it! Get behind me Satan!"

Now, I've been rebuked before..., but when he said that I stopped. He was so absolutely clear that I was wrong. I needed to know what he understood about his mission that I didn't.

I followed him around, watching him, learning from him, being taught by him, and he grew in popularity. Many, many people were now following him, and as this happened, he started speaking tougher and tougher words about what it meant to follow him: "Lay down your life, deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me." Many people were really weighing whether they wanted to be a follower of his. It was a serious decision to follow him. Eventually we started getting persecuted for it.

In one case we were in the Trans-Jordan preaching when a messenger came from Bethany saying that Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary had just fallen sick. They were asking him to come back and heal him. Now, Lazarus, Martha and Mary were very close to the Lord. So I thought he would send the messenger home saying something like what he said to the centurion. "Go, he is already healed." Instead he just sent the messenger back and told us that we were going to remain where we were.

After four days we got another message. Lazarus had died. Then Jesus said, "Let us go to Bethany." Now that one took me a bit by surprise. I thought, "That sounds like we are going four days late to me."

John, remembered what happened the last time we were there, they started stoning us! He said, "You're not going back up there? They will kill you. Much more they will kill us." But Jesus said, "No, we are going. This was set up by my Father that he might be glorified."

So we went to Bethany! As we arrived, Martha and Mary met us. They were crying and carrying on and there were many people weeping and grieving. Lazarus was a fairly well-known man. Many people were still mourning over his death. Then Jesus went to the tomb, and he said to Martha and Mary, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me even though he die, yet shall he live.... Roll away the stone."

Martha turned to Jesus and said, "My Lord! It's been four days. It's going to stink!"

According to our law, Lazarus had been buried before sunset on the day that he died. This is because human bodies start to decay and rot immediately. It doesn't take long before they begin to stink. So, when Jesus said, "Roll away the stone," Martha was very concerned, as was everyone else. "This is not going to be a pretty sight." I thought, but Jesus gave an order and we knew he really meant it. So some of the men rolled away the stone and everyone could see on the slab of stone the body of Lazarus. I remember again sensing the presence of God. Something was about to happen.

I had my eyes riveted to Jesus, watching him. Jesus looked into the tomb and he gave a command with authority like I have never heard before, "Lazarus, come!" The body sat up on the slab, turned around, put his feet down and started coming out of the tomb! I rubbed my eyes I was so astonished. I have never seen anything like that. He said, "Unbind him." (Lazarus was still in his burial shroud.) So they unbound him and there was Lazarus with this big smile on his face. I have never seen rejoicing, and exulting like I did the next ten minutes - utter pandemonium, shouting, clapping... Martha, Mary, Lazarus and all the friends of Lazarus were exploding with incredible joy.

Well, from there, I thought surely Jesus had it made. Passover was soon to come, when Jerusalem swells to about ten times its normal size. That's the time the Messiah was predicted to come and take over the city. I thought, "Okay, this is it! Get ready!" By the time we entered Jerusalem everyone had heard of the raising of Lazarus. We entered amidst enthusiastic rejoicing: "Hosanna to the son of David." Everybody was behind Jesus! The amazing thing was that five days later, no one was.

During the high feast of Passover we had a celebration called the Seder. When we had finished eating he looked around at all of us and said, "I tell you - one of you is about to betray me."

Again I was shocked. Everyone was. "Is it me?" We asked, or, "Oh, it's not me Lord, I wouldn't do that." ...Jesus knew who it was.

Then he went on and said, "Not only that but all of you are going to fall away from me."

When I heard that I said, "No, that can't be true." I turned to Jesus and said, "Lord, though all of these others turn away from you I will never fall away from you, I will never deny you." Jesus looked at me again and said, "Simon, Simon, Satan has demanded to sift you like wheat. But when you return, strengthen your brothers." I said, "No, though all these deny you, I'm ready to lay down my life for you. I will die for you, I will defend you to the death. I will not deny you." Jesus had dropped his eyes as I began to speak. When I finished, he raised them again and said, "Peter, I tell you, tonight, before the cock crows you will disown me three times."

I thought, "No, I'm going to defend him to the death." I had made a decision and I was not going to fail to keep it.

Later on that night we went to the garden called Gethsemane. Jesus took James, John and me aside and asked us to watch and pray. We did, for a while, but there was nothing to watch for. It was night time and we were in a walled in garden. Three times he told me to pray that I might not fall into temptation. What was there to be tempted about? Finally, Jesus came over to me and said, "Simon, are you asleep? Could you not watch one hour?"

I was surprised that he called me Simon. Jesus normally addressed me as Peter, not as Simon. I was a rock he could lean on. It had become part of the way he related to me. He had always called me Peter, except for earlier that night at supper in the upper room, when he told me I was to be tempted to deny him. Now he called me Simon again.

In the darkness of night, Judas, a Roman Cohort, and some representatives from the High Priest came and arrested Jesus and took him away. At that moment, everybody except John and myself fell away, but John and I followed the whole mob that came to arrest him, down to the house of Caiaphas, the High Priest, and into the courtyard. The High Priest's residence was a house set in the middle of a court that had a large wall all around it and a gate by which you entered. There were porticoes, or little porches, all along the side and then a very big porch in front of the house.

As we came in, they were conducting the trial up on the porch directly in front of the house. Witnesses came and lied in order to see if they could catch Jesus and get him condemned. One witness would stand up and say something and the next witness would get up and contradict him. It was very clear they were attempting to frame Jesus and didn't care about the price.

I came in with John. It was a cool night in the early spring. There was a fire in the courtyard and I stood there warming my hands. As I was doing this, a maid came up to the fire and she recognized me by the light of the fire. She looked at me until she was sure, and then said, "You're one of Jesus' disciples. I saw you with him." I turned to her and said, "What, what do you mean? I don't know what you're saying. I don't even know him. Not me."

A little later, after the trial had gone on further, another maid came up to me. She too watched me and then said, "You're a Galilean. I can tell by your accent. You followed Jesus from Galilee. You were with him in the temple. I recognize you. You're one of his followers." With her accusation I grew more afraid. I wasn't interested in getting arrested, and had to get her convinced I wasn't a disciple. So I looked straight at her and said, "No, I don't even know him. I've never seen him before. I swear before God! I don't even know who he is!"

After this I started to get nervous about all this. So I moved off to the side along one of the walls where I could get a better view of what was going on up on the porch. Up on the porch, Caiaphas suddenly rose and in a great rage said, "You've heard this man, what he says is blasphemy! This man deserves to be condemned." Caiaphas tore his garments, and the trial was over. Then some of the soldiers came up and started slapping Jesus on the face saying, "Prophesy if you're the son of God, prophesy!"

I couldn't watch it happen. I knew I had to do something. I had to try to stop them, but I was afraid. Right then one the guards came up to me and said, "I know you. You're one of his disciples. You're one of his followers. You and this Jesus are connected. Okay men, we have another one of them." I said, "No, you're wrong, I don't know the man. I've never seen him before in my life... May God damn me to hell if I know him!"

Just then I heard the cock crow. Immediately, I turned and looked up to the porch where Jesus was standing and saw him. He was looking at me and I knew that he knew. I ran from the courtyard out into the streets and broke down just like a little child, crying my eyes out, weeping at what I had done. I had proclaimed my loyalty, and now I had betrayed it. I had betrayed my self, and worst of all, I betrayed the Lord! Me! Peter!

"What kind of coward are you? Don't you have any loyalty? What's wrong with you? Where is your courage?"

"May God damn me to hell if I know who he is!" Those were the last words Jesus heard me say because when day came they crucified him. I was too ashamed to show up. I stayed away.

After they crucified him and buried him, all of his followers met again in the upper room. I didn't tell anyone about my denial of Jesus. I couldn't. I felt really sheepish about the whole thing. Everyone was rather low. I probably felt the worst of all. Jesus had lost his life and I had done nothing to stop it, nothing.

Early on Sunday morning Mary, Mary Magdalene and some of the other women went to the tomb to anoint the body with some spices and ointments. They went down to the tomb and came running back a short time later, two of them first saying, "The tomb's empty! The tomb's empty! Someone's taken the body of the Lord. We don't know where they've taken him!" Shortly thereafter, Mary Magdalene came hurrying in saying, "No, no, you're wrong! I've seen him! I've seen him myself. I saw him walking in the garden." He's risen from the dead just as he said."

Immediately John and I ran down to the tomb to see what was happening. Sure enough when we got there the tomb was empty. The guards were gone and the clothes were all folded up on the stone slab.

John and I wandered back. I was quite puzzled, wondering, "What happened here? Is he really raised from the dead? Someone probably stole the body and Mary is just seeing things." Back and forth I went, trying to figure out what had happened.

Later on that day a couple of the men who had left for Emmaus came back to the upper room and said, "We've seen Jesus! We were walking down the road to Emmaus and this stranger came up in our midst. We couldn't recognize him. We couldn't see him very clearly. He started telling us about the Messiah and showing us in the Old Testament about how the Messiah was supposed to suffer, even die for the sake of the people of Israel. And suddenly we recognized it was Jesus and as soon as we recognized it was the Lord..., he disappeared from our midst."

They were saying this, and we were all sitting there wondering, "What does this mean?" Suddenly, Jesus stood right in the middle of the room. He didn't walk through the door. He didn't climb through the windows. He just appeared in the middle of the room! We were seeing Jesus right before our eyes! I was frightened, scared, not knowing what to do or what to say, not even sure if it was him, until he spoke. He said, "Peace be with you, my peace I give to you." Everyone knew then that it was the Lord, that he had risen from the dead and all the things that he had said before were true.

It was all true. We knew our lives would never again be the same.

There is one other event that I should tell you about. The Last Supper is one of the best known events in Jesus' life, but for me, the last breakfast was just as important. It happened in the first weeks after the resurrection of the Lord. We had been fishing. Jesus appeared on the shore and cooked breakfast for us. After we finished eating, he turned to me and asked, "Simon bar Jonah, do you love me more than the way these men care for me?" I was caught off guard by the question for a number of reasons. As I said, Jesus didn't normally address me as Simon. I remembered the last time he had. It was the night I failed him. He had said "Simon, Simon, Satan has demanded to sift you like wheat," and I had insisted I would remain loyal no matter what happened. I hadn't and for this, more than anything else I had ever done, for this I could not forgive myself. It had convinced me that I was a weak man, far weaker than I had expected.

I never had the courage to talk to Jesus about it, although I knew he knew. He had predicted it. He saw me do it, but what could I say. I had failed. Now he was asking me if I loved him more than the other disciples did. I couldn't compare myself to anyone. Previously I had, but no more, so I simply answered, "Lord, you know I care for you deeply."

"Then feed my sheep... Simon, do you love me?"

It should have been easier to say yes, but I couldn't. I couldn't even say I loved him, not in the way he loved others. I knew I didn't. I knew I was weak. Again I said, "Yes Lord, you know I care deeply for you."

"Then tend my lambs.... Simon do you care deeply for me?""

[Peter pauses reflectively.]

Something broke. His very words were exposing my weakness and sin. His first question, "Do you love me more than these men do?" got at my pride at exalting myself above my brothers. The second question, "Do you love me?" got at my foolish self confidence. With his third question, "Do you care deeply for me?" he got to the heart of the problem. I had been lamenting my own failure and weakness. My concern wasn't for him. It was for me. I was embarrassed because I had failed. I didn't care deeply for him. I cared deeply for me. That was when the depth of my sin was fully exposed and I repented. I also understood why he kept telling me to tend his sheep. I had to get out of myself. He wasn't holding my sin against me, I shouldn't either. He accepted me for what I was, I should too. He knew what was going on inside me better than I did and he loved me anyway. I realized in that moment how deeply I did feel.

Lord, you know everything. You know I care deeply for you.

"Then feed my sheep. Then love your brothers and sisters Peter. Lay down your life for them."

In fact, that is what he went on to say. "When you are old, Peter, they will bind you in chains and you too will stretch out your hands in death. Now, come and follow me."

It was clear to me that I had no right to expect his love, but there it was. I also knew that he had forgiven me. Right then I was set free. I was no longer in the chains of self-condemnation, no longer burdened by guilt, but even more, my relationship with Jesus was made whole again.

I lived the rest of my life as a disciple of Jesus, following him with everything I had, teaching what he had taught me, even participating in the works he had done. I saw the sick healed, the lame walk, the blind see and the dead raised back to life! What a blessed thing it was that I met Jesus that day on the shore and was called by him to be his disciple.

Today Jesus is still revealing himself. He hasn't changed. He is still calling disciples, still saying, "Come, follow me!" Still calling them to have him as their treasure and their joy. Calling them to leave all else behind, to pick up their cross, and to follow him."

(c) 1996 Michael E. Shaughnessy