He finished his comment and he removed his hand. As he did, I was suddenly aware that the Cathedral was more full than I had thought. It also seemed to me that I was hearing more than before. What I saw filled me with awe. I realized that I was seeing more than just men and women. Behind them and between them were innumerable angels. Every space was filled. They were dressed in white robes, and each emitted a dim light. Some were blue, others silver, gold, red.... Each was standing straight and still. They too awaited the beginning of the vigil service.  At 11:55 I looked at my watch and then turned to the back of the Cathedral. Karen and Laura had just arrived. They were handed candles. Laura had the look of great curiosity on her face. She also seemed completely out of place. She was certainly the only one with purple hair in the crowd. Karen took her by the arm and led her up the aisle. As it turned out, they ended up one row diagonally in front of us.  Behind Laura was Teshua, alert, attentive. Laura turned to Karen. She was curious by nature. Now that they were there and settled a bit, she felt more free to ask a question. "Why are there so few lights on in here? Why the silence? What is going on? Is this a special service?" She whispered as quietly as possible, yet I could hear it. Michael's words came back to mind. "Tonight your eyes will be opened further, as will your ears. Do not be surprised by what you see and hear."

 Before Karen could answer, the congregation began to rise, gradually, from the front of the Cathedral, until all were standing in silence. In the aisle to the right a tall cross could be seen leading a procession. Behind the cross were two others carrying tall, unlit candles. Ffteen feet behind the two candles one could see the six foot tall, five inches thick, Easter candle above the heads of the crowd. Behind that the staff and the mitre of the Cardinal could be seen.

 "It is Easter." Karen was responding to Laura's question now that both were standing. "This is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus." Laura grew more restless. For years she had despised Christianity. The name of Jesus was only used to swear. She was torn between the old desire to scorn what she was hearing and the new desire to find what she knew she was missing. She didn't have time to dwell much on these thoughts however, because the procession had reached the back of the Cathedral and congregated on the inside of the entrance arch. Now the few lights that had been on were extinguished in the Cathedral. The blackness that engulfed it was near total. It took my eyes over a minute to be adjust so that I could distinguish anything.

  In the entrance nave, a fire was lit of very dry wood and in a minute, it was crackling, lighting up the entrance arch at the rear of the Cathedral. All else remained in darkness. Gradually, everyone turned toward the entrance.

 "Dear friends in Christ," the celebrant began the service. His voice was strong and confident. It was the Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster. He was dressed in vestments of white and gold. Ten other priests were in similar vestments. With them were numerous acolytes in their black cassocks and white surplices and the choir dressed in robes of red and white. All were standing around the fire.  The Cardinal continued. "On this most holy night Our Lord Jesus Christ passed from death to life. We are invited to come together in vigil and prayer and to enter into the great mystery of his victory over sin and death." Again at the name of Jesus, Laura fidgeted in reaction. "I don't like this," she thought. "I've got to get out of here." She noticed how agitated she was, and now the agitation was bringing back the darkness, the fear, the void. She would have left, but the darkness in the cathedral was so thorough she wouldn't have been able to find her way out.

 Teshua raised his hands and placed them on Laura. He was praying, silently. "Purify and cleanse her mind. Give her hope, not fear."

 "Let us pray." The Cardinal continued. "Father, we share in the light of your glory through your Son, the light of the world. Make this new fire holy, and inflame us with new hope. Purify our minds by this Easter celebration, and bring us, one day, to the feast of eternal light."

 Laura seemed to calm down again. "Christ, yesterday and today, the beginning and the end, Alpha and Omega. All time belongs to him and all the ages. To him be glory and power through every age and forever." The Cardinal had continued. Now he took the large Easter candle and lit it from the flame. Then, from the Easter candle, the acolytes lit other candles and turned to the people standing nearby passing the flame. Soon there were hundreds of small candles burning brightly, chasing away the darkness in a small area in the back of the nave. The Cardinal again prayed, "May the light of Christ, risen in glory, dispel the darkness of our hearts and minds." Teshua said, "The words are true. It is this light of Christ that has dispelled your darkness." Suddenly, Laura smiled. She didn't know why. It was as though a heaviness was beginning to lift. She looked at Karen who returned her smile.  "My despair is gone...," she thought, "...thank God." She was surprised at her own thought. "Thank God? When did I last think those words? When did I ever mean it?" Laura bowed her head in thought, and then made a decision. Under her breath she said, "Thank you." Then, she added, "...Lord." Only when she had said it did she know that it was true. The darkness was going and she knew why.

 While Laura was lost in these thoughts, the Deacon raised the candle and sang out, "Christ our light!" In unison the crowd responded in song, "Thanks be to God." The Deacon, the Cardinal and all the priests, acolytes and the choir began a solemn procession down the nave.

 As they moved forward, more and more people were lighting their candles from others around them. The candles gave light to the back half of the cathedral. The Deacon reached the centre of the nave and again he sang out in proclamation to all, "Christ our light." The sound rang from the entrance through the nave and up to the sanctuary. It filled the aisles and the chapels. Laura, cautiously and quietly, joined in the response. She had only heard the words and the tune once. "Thanks be to God."

 Slowly the darkness in the cathedral was pushed into the corners. By the time the Deacon reached the stairs leading up into the sanctuary, over three thousand candles had been lit. The entire cathedral was full of light.

 A third time, the Deacon sang out, "Christ our light." This time Laura sang with confidence. The tune was simple. "Thanks be to God." Again, all grew quiet. The Deacon placed the Easter candle into a stand in front of the altar. He moved from there toward the pulpit from which he would sing "The Exultet", the great song in praise of the resurrection.

 Michael turned to me and said, "Listen carefully now. You need to hear many things all at once."

 The cathedral started growing brighter. I looked up at the lights, but they weren't on. The brightness was coming from the pews. It was the hosts of heaven. Each of the angels had lifted up his head and was beginning to come alive with glory. Their brilliance was now far beyond that of the light coming from the candles. They raised their arms and began to sing praise, "Worthy is the lamb who was slain..." Just as they began, the Deacon sang in harmony. "Rejoice, oh heavenly powers! Sing choirs of angels! Exult, all creation around God's throne!"

 I was astounded by the beauty of what I heard. It was as though my ears had developed the ability to taste and feel music, not just hear it. Of all the things that I saw and heard in the time I had with Michael, this is by far the most difficult to describe. Each of the angels was singing his own part, yet all of them fit together. Their voices were more than voices. They had the quality of particular musical instruments. The angel behind the Deacon most noticeably sounded like a trumpet. When the Deacon sang "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits upon the throne," this angel sang the word "Salvation..." His both in his bodily demeanor and in the quality of his voice he seemed to be a herald sounding the trumpet. "Sal - vaaaa - tion!" The second syllable was held long and loud a third higher than the first syllable.  The Deacon continued, "Jesus Christ our King is risen! Sound the trumpet of salvation!"

 Other angels sounded like violins, clarinets, organs or countless other instruments - but instruments that sang words. One angel - just looking at him I knew what he would sound like - sounded like a bassoon that was singing "Glory to God." The word "glory" was sung very low and strong on one note. It brought with it the essence of glory which could only be ascribed to God. I felt a kind of electricity passing through my flesh as I listened. I knew that I was hearing "glory," not just the word, but the reality.

 It is difficult enough to define the word glory in such a way that it can carry the meaning it is meant to carry, that is, "God's nature." My experience was not just an intellectual one, although I did experience an understanding of glory that I had never had before. It was also a sensual one. My ears heard glory. My eyes were seeing it. My skin was feeling it. I was filled with a sense of awe.  Another angel was a singing flute. She, (I don't know anything about the gender of angels, but this one certainly seemed feminine), had a very lively melody that quickly danced through the scale as she sang (or played) "praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God forever and ever." In her melody was a lighthearted rejoicing, utterly free of all cares. My chest seemed too small for my heart. It was full of joy and laughter like a smile I could not repress. I was feeling joy in my hands and feet. Even my joints were experiencing a light thrill of happiness. In that moment I couldn't understand anxiety or worry at all. Yet, her light-heartedness took nothing away from the solemnity and the awe of the organ angel who was singing "Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of power and might. Heaven and earth are full of your glory. Hosanna in the highest." These two realities somehow blended perfectly. I was aware of all of these different motifs at once and experiencing joy, awe, thanksgiving, peace - a multitude of pleasures - all at once. As it says in Psalm 16, "In your presence there is fulness of joy, in your right hand are pleasures for evermore." The organ angel, his voice - I should say voices - was/were in four parts. How can one voice sing a chord? I don't know, he did, and it was magnificent. It was overwhelming not because it was loud, but because it was so full. I couldn't believe that such a full sound could come from one angel. It was more than just sound. There was an aroma, an incense, as well. Unfortunately, I cannot describe the smell. I have never smelled anything like it. When I am hungry, there is nothing like the smell of a steak that is being grilled, or fresh bread from the oven. What I smelled then was the equivalent and more as it applied to a hunger for the Lord alone. It drew me toward the source of his worship and it fueled my appetite for just one thing.

 As each of my senses was being filled, I was beginning to understand what it meant to be totally engrossed in one thing. The worship being given by the angel that sounded like an organ occupied him fully. He was transfixed, by what he was doing. Completely undistracted, he entered into worship with all that he was. It showed in his countenance. Was he seeing the Lord, seated on the throne, in all of his glory and splendor? I don't know, but I know of no definition of joy or fulfillment that can otherwise adequately describe what I saw in him at that moment. Slowly, solemnly, and with great precision he sang. Each "Holy, ...Holy, ...Holy," he sang as though there was none who was in any way like the Lord, Most High. I wanted to draw nearer tothe Lord, yet I knew more than ever that I was unworthy. I had stumbled into the presence of One who is truly holy, and I had no right to be there. I felt like I might be trespassing. At the same time I knew that this was where I was meant to be. There was something so right about being there, but something so wrong about me. Suddenly, I was profoundly aware of the Lord's greatness and my own nothingness. I couldn't help but kneel and bow my head. The deacon continued his song calling on earth to rejoice as well. "Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor, radiant in the brightness of your King!" As he sang, it was as though the walls and pillars of the cathedral began to take on some of the glory of the angels. The air itself seemed visible and alive. He continued, "Christ has conquered! Glory fills you! Darkness vanishes forever!" As he sang, "Christ has conquered," a great shout of victory went up from the angels in the midst of the song. Somehow a shout fit perfectly, without diminishing the beauty of the harmony.

 The effect of it all was perfection and completeness. The angels sang in many languages. They harmonized with one another, while blending impeccably with the Deacon who was singing "The Exultet." I listened to one and then to another and then to all of it together.  In spite of all the complexity I have just described, it never ceased to be a very simple melody. At the time, I thought, "A child could sing this." It was as if I could anticipate each note, harmony, rhythm and word. I have tried, since then, to recreate what I heard, but I have concluded that it is impossible. It is like trying to describe the word "blue" using only numbers. They are such different things that even though both are simple, one just cannot be used to describe the other.

 My watch registered that "The Exultet" lasted but ten minutes. For my soul it seemed like hours. Physically, I was refreshed in a way I never have been before.

 "Michael, do you feel that?" I asked.

 "In fact, no." He answered. "I understand it far better than you do now. Eventually, you will come to know the Most High intellectually as fully as I, but I do not have the priviledge of physical sensation. You will see, hear, and feel things. I never will because I do not belong to the material universe. Even so, I am satisfied." I could not comprehend that, but I had no time to consider it. My eye had shifted to Laura. She heard the words, "Christ has conquered! Glory fills you! Darkness vanishes forever!" Suddenly, she thought back, remembering what she had intended to be her final night. "Christ conquered. Glory filled me. Darkness vanished. That is what happened to me!" For the first time she remembered calling out to God that night for help. "It was him. He heard me!" Again she wasn't left with much time to dwell on these thoughts. The Exultet had ended. People where blowing out their candles and being seated as some of the cathedral lights were turned on.

  The vigil service continued with readings from scripture. Passages were read and psalms were sung. Laura listened attentively. She would hear a reading and something about it would impress her. After thinking about it, she would come back to listening to what was being read, and again she would hear something that seemed to apply to her.

  Teshua was now regularly placing his hands on Laura's ears and praying. This time he sought an outpouring of grace that was filled with joy. As he did, she heard the reading, "They are happy, whose God is the Lord, the people he has chosen as his own." The grace of God again surrounded her - lights of many hues more abundant than ever. The reading struck home. Laura knew it was true for her. "'They are happy, whose God is the Lord.' That is me. He chose me!" she thought.

 The next reading was from Psalm 16. She heard the words as though they were addressed to her. "...My body rested in safety. For he did not leave my soul among the dead, nor let his beloved know decay. He will show me the path of life, the fullness of joy is in his presence, at his right hand happiness forever." On it went, reading after reading striking the mark as she remembered where she was three days previously. Each time Laura became short of breath. The whole service seemed put together just for her. Isaiah 54 - "You will have nothing to fear. Remote from terror, it will not approach you." ... Psalm 29 - "I will praise you Lord, you have rescued me and not let my enemies rejoice over me. O Lord, you have raised my soul from the dead, restored me to life from those who sink into the grave... The Lord listened and had pity. The Lord came to my help."  ... Isaiah 55 - "Seek the Lord while he is still to be found, call to him while he is still near. Let the wicked man abandon his way. Let him turn back to the Lord who will take pity on him, to our God who is rich in forgiving; for my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are my ways your ways - it is the Lord who speaks."

 "What a fool I have been to live my life as I have."

  Laura had thought that many times, but now it was different. She knew she needed it all to be dealt with somehow. It wasn't just regrettable. It was wrong. Words came to her mind. "Forgive me Lord." Again she fought back tears as the lector read on, "...so the word that goes forth from my mouth does not return to me empty, without carrying out my will and succeeding in what it was sent to do." Everyone now stood as the Cardinal again prayed, but Laura remained seated. Teshua was convincing her of God's willingness to forgive even the greatest of sinners who repents. Laura again repeated the words, "Forgive me Lord."  At this, the lights in the cathedral suddenly came on fully. Bells began to ring throughout the sanctuary. Even the cathedral carillon rang out. There were high pitched bells held in the hands of the acolytes being rung rapidly. The carillon bells were large and deep. Their bass tones were ringing long, low, consistently. Bells of medium size were being struck with a gong. They were all rung together making a joyful noise, or so it seemed judging from the faces of the people. Many were smiling as the bells rang and rang. Then all, and at one, they stopped. Laura looked up, wiping away a tear of forgiveness. The entire congregation stood, "Glory to God in the highest!" was proclaimed by the chorus as it began singing "The Gloria." As I heard it, I couldn't help but think of the verse from scripture that says, "There is more rejoicing in heaven over the one sinner who repents than over the ninety-nine who are just." Now another psalm was sung by the cathedral chorus, Psalm 117 - "Give thanks to the Lord for he is good, for his love has no end. The Lord's right hand has triumphed..." Laura listened to it being sung. Simply enjoying the beauty of the music as it built and crescendoed toward the finish. "His right hand raised me up. I shall not die, I shall live and recount his deeds."

 "This is amazing. I am going to have to tell someone about all of this." thought Laura. The gospel of the resurrection was now sung in all of its glory followed by a homily acclaiming the truth of the resurrection.  The vigil continued with the renewal of baptismal promises. "Do you reject the glamour of evil and refuse to be mastered by sin?" Those who were around her were all saying in unison, "I do." Laura realized that this simply had not been true for her. She had loved the glamour of evil, and sin had become her master. The Cardinal continued, "Do you reject Satan, father of sin and prince of darkness?" Again, the people responded, "I do."

 "The Prince of Darkness," Laura thought. She shuddered, as a chill went through her. The sense of darkness and despair washed over her. "Go away!" she said in her mind, "Go away! I don't want this." Teshua repeated the question to her. "Do you reject Satan, father of sin and prince of darkness?" Now Laura responded, whispering, "I do. I want to turn away from it all." Teshua had become even brighter, quietly rejoicing in these moments for which he had worked for so long.

 Throughout the Eucharistic Prayer and Communion Laura just sat and thought. The presence of the Lord was so real to her and so profound that she only wanted to rest in what she had so suddenly found after years of searching and hiding. After two and a half hours the vigil was about to end. All stood for the final prayers. Laura was as happy as she could ever remember. All night the Lord had ministered his love to her. The closing song was begun. She noted what a glorious melody it had but only on the second verse did she open her programme and see the words, "Awake O sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will give you light."

 Awake O sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will give you light. There was no more accurate way that Laura could think of to summarize her own experience. The gratitude, the happiness, and the sense of forgiveness that she had been trying to control all night finally burst the dam. Laura's eyes filled with tears and she began to cry, openly. Karen looked at Laura out of the corner of her eye and instinctively knew why Laura was crying. Her eyes also began to fill with tears. After a couple of minutes, Laura wiped away her tears and turned to Karen. "Thank you." She said, "Thanks for bringing me." "Welcome home!"  "Happy Easter!" The greeting was being given by the Cardinal and the priests as the people left the Cathedral. Karen and Laura left by the centre aisle, both smiling. As they approached the priest at the door he looked at Laura's purple hair. His eyes opened just a bit wider. Then he saw her smile. He gave each of them a hand, nodded his head and said, "Christ is risen!" Karen responded, "He is risen indeed!" Outside Easter greetings were being exchanged by many. Laura found herself saying it over and over to people she did not know and had never seen before, but her joy needed to be expressed.   The plaza was crowded. As Laura shook hands with someone after yet another Easter greeting, she turned and bumped into someone else. It was the Cardinal. He turned around as she said, "Sorry." Then abandoning all decorum she said, "Christ is risen" and gave him a hug. The Cardinal looked at the two priests beside him, slightly embarassed, and then in his peaceful, stately tone of voice he said, "He is risen indeed," nodding his head and smiling as Laura turned away. She stopped and turned her head back, saying. "Oh, and... thanks!" Then she took Karen by the arm and walked away.

 People lingered in front of the cathedral talking to the many priests who serve them. Slowly the casual conversations died out as people left. Inside the cathedral the wardens were left to pick up the programmes and candles and to straighten the chairs in anticipation of the 7:00 am service. All had to be set in order for those who would come the next day to continue the celebration of the Resurrection of Christ. Still, it was nearly three in the morning before the cathedral was emptied. One by one the overhead lights were extinguished. Finally, only Michael and I were left in the huge stillness of the cathedral that was now lit by many candles which would burn until dawn before they went out.

 "That's a victory story." I said, once things had quieted down. "Yes. There is more rejoicing in heaven..."

 I completed the quotation from the scripture, "...over the one sinner who repents than the ninety-nine righteous who need no repentance." "That is true also." Michael said. "However, had I finished, I would have said: there is more rejoicing yet to come."

  I was not sure what Michael meant, and before I could ask, we were walking toward the chapel that bears his name. He again led as with a purpose.